God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
