turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
