after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
