i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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