Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
