was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
