Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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