Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
