walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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