i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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