about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
