We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
did i just pee glitter
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
