I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
