what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
