Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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