Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
send nudes
from the living room?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
