Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
