How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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