dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
well you can't waste a boner
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
