i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
