Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
