Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
