Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
