dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The best revenge is premature balding
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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