so let's talk penis.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
