just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
