Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
