Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
