she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
