the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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