Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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