apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
