from now on my penis is your penis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
