well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
