i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
