It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
