I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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