she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
