Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I didn't notice because vodka
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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