I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
