no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
