Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Sober January is a disaster.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
