You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I fill condoms, not promises.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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