Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
