yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My balls are so social today.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
