he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
