she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He felt like a one man threesome
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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