tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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