it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
