his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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