I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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