I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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