Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
