I'm eating all of the evidence.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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