I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
