I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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