It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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