2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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